I'm debating whether I should just the leave the house in mild disorder until this weekend, when we probably undecorate or sorta get the things back in order. My kids have ZERO room for all they got for Christmas. It really is quite sickening. I would normally leave the tree up until next weekend 1/5 and 1/6 (Epiphany, when Christmas is really over), but my son's birthday is 1/7 and I just feel I need my house back to normal before that. Not sure what we are doing yet for him, but I do know that he is having a rollerskating party in mid January. I can't believe this guy is gonna be 8 years old.

We are going to a small party tonight, at a friends house, with 2 people that are so immature and annoying. These guys used to work with John, but left for a sweet deal at another brokerage. The brokerage house pays mid 6 figures sometimes to lure you to another company, and weasles leave to get that money, put their time in, and then come back to AG Edwards. John doesn't feel comfortable getting money that way, although these guys have stayed at the brokerage houses they left for. One of them is a dealer, one of them is this little weasle looking guy who is like 40 something, but tries to pick up young chicks at the gym.....HYSTERICAL and the other two couples, I can deal with. Should be interesting.....

Okay......time to bring some smiles to people's faces when they come here......Courtesy of Amy

To put it bluntly, you're a total slut! You'd go to the ends of the earth and back if you thought it would spice up your life a bit and deliver the attention that you constantly seek. However, I suggest if you ever go into a dark bathroom, be sure to bring a flashlight so you don't participate in anymore necrophiliac activities. There's a good thing about being catatonic though, nasty Dante is out of your mind for good. What were you thinking?

Take The "Which Kevin Smith Female Are You?" Quiz!!

Doncha hate seeing the same post in many different places.....sorry, LOL

Here is some crappy pics of the awesome quilt my MIL made for John out of old tees. It is 4x4.



Don't forget to click on the images to make 'em bigga. The last one is the backing material.

It's been exactly 1 week, and 0 hours since I held my father's hand as he left us.....

Miss ya much already Dad!!

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not there to see.
If the sun should rise and find your eyes, All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry, The way you did today.
While thinking of the many things, We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me, As much as I love you.
And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand.
That an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand.
She said my place was ready, In heaven far above.
That I'd have to leave behind, All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, A tear fell from my eye.
For all life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for, So much yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible, That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays, The good ones and the bad.
I thought of all the love we shared, And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday, Just even for awhile.
I'd say goodbye and kiss you, Maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized, That this could never be.
For emptiness and memories, Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow.
I thought of you, and when I did, My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me, From His great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity, And all I've promised you".
Today for life on earth is past, But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, But today will always last.
Since each day's the same day, There's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful, So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things, You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven, Now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand, And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me, Don't think we're far apart.
For every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart.
Author Unknown

Mgsr. read this at my dad's funeral, after we received communion and were reflecting before the end of mass......not a dry eye, and a lot of sniffling :-)

I don't know why this picture has the black after I scanned it, but I don't feel like playing with the settings, but you *get the picture*, hah, anyway...this is what John wants in the casket with Grandpa

Come to Me

God saw you getting tired,
and a cure was not to be,
so he put his arms around you
and whispered, "Come to me."

With tearful eyes we watched you,
and saw you pass away,
and although we loved you dearly,
we could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
he only takes the best.

I am taking a hiatus for a while. I will be back, but for now, I don't have the energy to post what is going on with my dad and family. We are nearing *the time* and I want to wish you all a Happy Holiday season and a wonderful New Year. See ya next year

eBay pisses me off.......an auction was due to close at 20:00:00 PST, I bid at 19:59:52, and the winning bid was placed at 20:00:25.......isn't that AFTER the auction ended......techni-freakin-cality......damn it

mcnamee709@aol.com (59) $57.00 Dec-14-01 20:00:25 PST
dmb1010 (3) $56.00 Dec-14-01 19:59:52 PST
mcnamee709@aol.com (59) $55.00 Dec-14-01 19:55:37 PST
dmb1010 (3) $54.00 Dec-14-01 19:54:44 PST
mcnamee709@aol.com (59) $53.00 Dec-14-01 19:51:53 PST
dmb1010 (3) $52.00 Dec-14-01 19:34:20 PST
larshans (2) $51.00 Dec-14-01 18:32:34 PST
mcnamee709@aol.com (59) $50.00 Dec-14-01 17:10:44 PST

We had our Brownie Holiday party tonight. We had pizza and baked cookies. Unfortunately, we didn't find out until tonight, that half of their oven, at the firehouse doesn't work, but we did it. We baked 13+ dozen cookies in an hour, pshew.....

I got a bunch of chocolates and candles......can't wait to burn them and I think that I can finish the chocolates by tonight, LOL.

Tomorrow is my mom's holiday party. Santa comes and gives something to the kids. Can't wait to see what they are getting this year. The present is usually pretty good, worth about $15. A lot of companies don't do that gratis anymore.

Dad is hanging in there, mind sharp as a tack, but with a body that withering away.

Oh, last week, after John's stint in playing Santa in his office, Tommy came home to tell Dad all about what he missed at the office. Then he says, "Were you in the Santa clothes, dad?" John said, "No, Tommy, why"......Tommy replied, "ya know, Santa looks a little like you and talks like you too", LOL. We told him he was silly. We'll let him in on the family secret next year.

I'll have pictures from last weekend and this weeked soon. You'll notice the kids without haircuts last week, and with hair cuts this week. Steffi goes from a long ponytail to a chin-length bob. She loves her hair short, and I think she looks so adorable!!

Day Seven......just for Darla

and catching up with Day Eight

Day Six.....courtesy of Bobby Flay

I spent the day watching/caring for my father. At one point, he had me climb on to the bed with him so he could hold me. To think I was such a bitch during my teenage/adolescent years, and actually can remember saying *I hate him*...and meaning it......

I know you are patiently awaiting.....Day Five I think I'm gonna try to put Pepperidge Farms out of business.

Other than that.....been in a darn rotten mood and my lack of comments and posts are sparing you my wrath.

Ciao

Here we go.....Day Four of the 12 days of Cookies!!

Someone's tried Day Three's cookies, and she said that they were YUMMY!!!

:-( Food Network hasn't updated their site with the Day Four cookie, Cashew-Cinnamon Brittle. You'll have to wait.

OMG.....:I am SUCH an ass.......I accidentally hit something and my freakin' engagement story just didn't post......well, shoot.....I am sorry, but not typing it out again right now, LOL.

It's snowing, it's snowing, it's really, really snowing!!!! Too bad it was 72º the other day.

I hope this doesn't delay our driveway getting paved.....Grrr........

Done......enjoy, LOL

Day Three: OMG.....I LOVE these cookies

I had to help out in my daughter's class today. She is so cute, I just love being in her classroom with her.

Then I got a chance to participate in a fire drill and see my son, sometimes I miss them when they are not here, LOL. Remind me of that when the evening comes.

Bear with me, I'll get this 100% right sometime today......seems like my cable has some molasses stuck in it. It's been *wonky* (stolen from Lala) today.....

I edit, then I can't save, then I can't upload...so, slowly but surely I'm getting there, LOL.

Stupid ass squirrel was running across the road in front of me.....heard my car and decided to turn back around and cross the yellow lines back towards me.......he met my back tire.....poor squirrel

Why is it taking forever and a day to load my page now......too many graphics that it is going *off site* for?

Also known as the Smiling Tree Frog or Dumpy Tree Frog due to the nature of its appearance, this frog is a very hardy creature and a favorite pet of amateur frog owners, although some pet owners complain that they are not active enough. These frogs love to eat, which can make them quite fat, hence their "dumpy" appearance. Unlike many frogs, these frogs do well with other frogs of their species and are fairly friendly. They like a warm and moderately humid habitat and eat larger insects like crickets, cockroaches, locusts, moths and beetles.

What kind of Frog are you?

Snagged from Tripe Writing

Day two

12 days of Christmas Cookies

Day one

jeez..I am actually REALLY enjoying the video. Funny, funny shit happened throughout that night......LMAO

Sad part.......seeing how many friends and family have passed away in a little over 9 years......

Whoa.....Daddy's Little Girl is on......bbl

You're the end of the rainbow, my pot of gold,
You're daddy's little girl to have and hold.
A precious gem is what you are,
You're mommy's bright and shining star.

You're the spirit of Christmas, my star on the tree,
You're the Easter bunny to mommy and me.
You're sugar you're spice, you're everything nice,
And you're daddy's little girl.

You're the end of the rainbow, my pot of gold,
You're daddy's little girl to have and hold.
A precious gem is what you are,
You're mommy's bright and shining star.

You're the treasure I cherish so sparkling and bright,
You were touched by the holy and beautiful light.
Like angels that sing a heavenly thing,
And you're daddy's little girl.

13 years ago I was freaking about going to the ball/out with John for the first time......11 years ago, John was asking my dad if he could ask for my hand in marriage.......

How much punishment can I ask for.....I am watching my wedding video now.......

Damn...damn..damn.....damn and damn......The tooth fairy forgot to stop at our house last night..... I'm blaming it on John since he made her put the tooth under the pillow at 4pm and I didn't witness it at bedtime, which usually serves as a reminder for me, uh, the tooth fairy

Thank you to those who do come here and read. I KNOW that I am going to want to read these entries some time in the future, as it will help me heal.

Well, my mom says my dad doesn't read anything anymore, and I said, well you never know, given the content of this letter. Then she said....."then I'd have to read to him" and I laughed and said "good luck getting through it" but you know.....a LOT of the stuff that is in there pertains to both of them. He continues to go down hill, so I have to decide whether or not I should get there at 1:30 today, or 9am tomorrow. Now, am I the one being selfish?? Steffi has to sing at the Town Tree Lighting tonight, or else I would go then.

Upon our priest's request, will be going to a funeral home next Tuesday, just to get familiar with procedures, papers, etc...that we will be dealing with all to soon, and with the holidays approaching, we need to be prepared for when decisions will be made. My mom urged my brother to go buy a suit. He could at least own one, for WHATEVER reason.

I am leaving out some of the real personal stuff I wrote to my dad, but here is my Thank You list. We were never a very open family, who said I love you at all, so I feel that this letter gets points across that I want made, but I don't think I could ever say this to him face-to-face without totally falling apart, which wouldn't do either one of us any good. I am a wuss?? Should I have sucked it up and said this to him??

Thank you.......

......for checking my homework and making me use my brain

......for passing down your love and knowledge of sports to your children and grandchildren

......for walking me down the aisle and really enjoying yourself at my wedding. Including giving John permission to ask for my hand in marriage.

......for providing me with a loving and stable childhood, along with siblings, who I know now, mean a lot to me.

......for being a loving father, who only did what he believed was good for his children

......for being a loving grandfather who played ball and swam with his grandchildren. I will make sure your grandchildren NEVER forget you and how much you loved them.

......for being a computer whiz and fixing a computer up all for the kids to play when they come for visits

......for your knowledge of computers and what you’ve taught me and challenged me to learn

......for your love of *a good time* as I think we have all inherited that

......for your support during my Miss Morris County Pageant time

......for knowing why I couldn’t get up to speak upon returning from my SEARCH weekend

......for deciding to get a pool for your 3 kids

......for buying a house with a big yard

......for allowing me to drive a station wagon down the shore, after the Senior Prom

......for allowing me to stay at the shore with Dale after graduation. I’m sure she’s thankful as well, as she met her husband then.

......for giving us so much when we started out, and continuing to give to us

As I grew older and became a parent, as I said to you before, I realize a lot from both sides of the story, and I hope to learn from my childhood experiences to be the best mother, wife and daughter I can be.

I am ashamed that it took your illness for me to get these feeling out to you, but I hope that you appreciate them all the same.

Wednesday is the day for marathon Christmas shopping, so here I sit tonight composing a Lotus spreadsheet with the item, and lowest price I've found it for. I then go to my ToysRUs, Target, Zany Brainy, KBKids, and other circulars or online sites to comparison shop. Is this really worth it? LOL

My girlfriend is picking me up and bringing me to Ikea tomorrow. I've never been there, but she's says to come for the ride. Maybe I can find something for my MIL there.

Hooboy.....wth did people do before the internet when they SWORE they had bisquick in the house and decided to start making a chicken pot pie and just when it was time to add the top, they realized it wasn't in the cabinet. I swear it took all of 30 seconds out of my time today to find this substitute and I was good to go.

I went with the kids and my dad looked HORRID. There is no feeling in his eyes or radiating from his body AT ALL. I picked all the kids up to give Dad a kiss and then it was my turn. I kissed him and said I hoped I could bring a bright moment to his day today, and nothing. I felt nothing from him. I then asked if he needed water, the radio or anything and he said, nah... It is very hard for him to make eye contact with me as well.

So finally, I said, okay guys, we're gonna go (I only planned on staying that long since my mom and sis ran out and couldn't watch the kids while I said more to him) and as I left, I kissed him again and said I Love You....I've NEVER said that before in my life to him, that I can recall.....EVER And then I started to sob.....he told me Hang in there Sweetie. I've noticed, the last 3x I saw him, he's called me that. Then I rounded the kids up and we left......bawling.

Then of course the kids said, mommy, we know why you are crying. You want your dad to not be sick. And I told them, that they were right......

Then I proceded to cry the next 1/2 hour home.

I think I am going to send a letter to him today and let him read all that I was thankful for, in my life from him.

I'll paste it here later